I am a self proclaimed, big old MUSH!

I am sentimental. I am VERY sentimental and that is probably an understatement. The words I love you fly out of my mouth many many times probably every single hour. I do not use these words lightly by any means. I just truly love the people I am telling.

Tonight I was looking up a recipe on the computer and Jadeyn, who has inherited my mushiness, ran up to me, hugged me, squeezed me and said, "Mom, I love you. A lot." She then ran off to find her baby "Sohpie" and love on her. I think my kids were born with this sense of gratitude towards their family, but I also think a lot of is is learned.

As she was running away, I noticed her little barely five year old body in her pink fuzzy, footed jammies and I had tears well up in my eyes. I am so grateful I adore these moments, but it pains me to think of how fast life is passing us by. That little body, that seems so big to me after watching some home videos when the twins were just one and Maddox was born, now all of a sudden seems so small. Everything she does revolves around me and our family and I love it that way.

There is a season for everything and I am aware of that, and I pray everyday that instead of focusing on how fast it is all going to just enjoy every single moment we have together. I often say I wish I could just freeze time right now, or maybe in May. I would have a newborn and a two year old, a four year old and two five year olds and a fabulous 10 year old! (TEN, yikes...) I need a pause button, because I just can't imagine life getting better than this!

It is finally here!

Oh Maddox. The day is nearly here. Tomorrow you will be FOUR YEARS OLD! I am not sure I have ever, ever seen anyone so excited for their birthday. Just the mention of it sends you to the moon and back. You are so excited about this special day. I think because you feel like you are a triplet, and have to wait after the twins birthday it is so hard to wait a whole three weeks for it to actually come! It is hard. I know, I like birthdays just as much as you.

Tomorrow you will wake up and it will be your day. The house will be filled with green and only green balloons. You will run a few errands with me, just you. You will even get to hear your new brother or sisters' heartbeat. You will have a special lunch with daddy at the "balloon place" you will attend your brother and sister's belated Christmas program and we will finish it with the dinner of your choice and some beautifully wrapped green presents. I am so excited for your day. Tomorrow will be a day of all things happy.

For about two weeks now every morning you wake up you say, "see mom, I am big. Wook at me...I'm big!" It is really cute and really funny especially because if truth be told, you are a tiny little guy. I can see that you are getting taller and your feet and hands are abnormally big compared to your tiny frame and only weighing around 28 pounds.

Your eyes tell stories that words could not begin to tell. You sparkle. You shine. There is something extra special about you. Your accent, even though you have never been to England or Long Island. You colic right above your eyes that still takes me back to the day you were born, the way you express you're mad or frustrated by talking really fast and basically saying the same thing over and over. Your passion for green and chocolate, or shall I say Choco-lit. The way you brother Paxton like you are decades older and wiser, always looking out for him and never ever even once saying a unkind word or using an unkind gesture towards him. Your love for shopping and have I mentioned your love for green? Yes? Well it needs to mentioned a few times. You love to sleep in the hall for some reason, which I think is funny. Your little stork bite gets brighter when you are crying or get mad. Your eyes are dark and your hair too. You remind me often that "mom, you and me have black hair the same." I love that bond about us little man.

I sometimes feel sad that your life has seemed to go by so fast. When Jadeyn and Cortland were only 4 months old you decided it was time to make your appearance in our family. I still remember the shock I felt when I took not one, nor two or even three, but 12 pregnancy tests and found out you were indeed coming. You restored my faith in myself that day. I was nervous, how could I do this I thought, but I knew without one single doubt you were meant to come to us when you did. Your life blessed us in ways I cannot even begin to describe. The love I felt for you that very moment is not the normal kind of love. It is the love only some very lucky people are able to feel.

It is weird for me to think that this whole year you were only 3. That is little. That is really little. You have always seemed so grown up, probably because in essence you were the same as J and C. You talked so much, you did the same things they do, you are at their level on so many things. I would just have to squeeze you every day and tell you to slow down, stay a baby. Be my baby.

You were the most pleasant baby I have had. All of my babies have been a dream. That is part of the reason I do not feel any need to stop having them! It is a breeze! You slept like a champ, at like one too. I remember one time you had just turned four months old and daddy asked me if I had heard you cry yet. We both realized then, that you hadn't really yet. The day you were born they whisked you away to the NICU. (What is up with all my babies feeling the need to visit that place? Well all of them, but the twins, which is just weird in itself!) It has been about 5 hours and I had still not seen you yet. I was so so sad. I finally convince a nurse to wheel me down to the nicu in my bed. Now to back up just a moment, daddy kept going to check on you and ALL he would say was "He is SO SO SO SUPER SWEET!" I heard this more than a dozen times and finally had to ask, well isn't he cute. He told me that you were beyond cute, but your sweetness was above and beyond overwhelming. Well as the nurse wheeled me in, she passed up a darling little tiny baby and I said, out loud, "can't that baby be mine? He is SO cute and so sweet!" She told me know and kept moving then stopped suddenly and told me I was in luck. We already passed you up and my baby was the one I wanted after all! I would have taken any baby truth be told, but I felt so beyond blessed at that moment that you were mine. I have not for once this entire almost 4 years of your life felt any differently. Not once.

You are a special treat my dear sweet Maddox. I can't describe the passion for life you have or the zest for it either, but it is endearing. You are a force. You have bright things in your future. You are someone I am and will be so proud to say I even know, much less be the mother of. You hold so much "incredibleness" in your tiny little almost four body. I love you more than you love the color green or choco-lit. I hope you forever know that.

Happy Birthday sweet boy. The day has come. You are four, tomorrow. Now can we talk about time slowing down bit so I can eat up every moment with you. I love you sweet son.

Pointing out to me that it was green!

So sad it was not your birthday too!

Always sharing with your brother's and sister!

You certainly have passion for life!

You are SO tiny, I have yet to find a pair of pants that will actually stay on or up!

The New Year

I can hardly believe we have entered a new year, ALREADY! Where does the time go? Just last night Bennett, 9, said, "does it seem to you like the months go by really really fast?" Ah, yes it sure does. And he is 9! Time surely doesn't move quite a quickly as it does for an adult, right?

I cannot tell you how many times during my days, months, years I wish for this time in my life to just slow down already. I struggle with time moving too fast. I just adore this moment in my life and I do not want it to pass by this quick.

Anyway, each year about this time of year Andy and I really try to focus on our goals for our family and our personal goals. Normally the first Family Home Evening of the year, which we have on Monday nights, we discuss the goals with the the kids. This past Monday we were all wiped out from the constant party at our home over the holiday so we will hold FHE tonight. This year I have been really trying hard to come up with a great family motto for us. It can be just one word that has great meaning, or a phrase or a scripture. I have been thinking about it for weeks and think I have finally decided on one. Our kids will hear this a lot this coming year, I promise.

I keep a little journal notebook in my desk drawer and every year start a new one and pack away my old one. It is fun to look back and see what was on the grocery list, to do list, to craft list, to call list, to pay off list...you know the lists. Andy teases me about making lists for my lists. I will not lie, I have done that before. I am a big list maker. If I walk into a store without my list, anxiety hits like a ton of bricks. It does not bode well for me. So I will keep on with my list making.

This years journal already has goals filling the pages, things to do for my new primary calling and birthday planning for Maddox. I love having it at my finger tips to jot down whatever I am thinking or needing at the time.

Some of my big goals this year are just that. Big. I have them down to Family goals, personal goals, goals as a mother and homemaker. The two goals I have for my children is to teach them patience and self control. The concept of not going form 1 to 10 in a half of a second when something doesn't work or work to their advantage is a big thing to teach. Especially when they are little. Patience is something they are pretty good with, but being raised in a larger than the norm family, it is something that will have to be instilled in to them.

Personal goals are the normal goals I make for myself every year. Read more, especially the scriptures, I have a goal to read the whole BofM by my birthday. Pay attention to everything I am eating. When I am not pregnant I am so aware of this and when I am, not so much. Should be the other way I around, I agree. Move more, up earlier, prepare more and earlier, go the distance, pay even more attention to detail and those kind of things.

As for Family goals we have a few. Most of them we already do, but it is good to reinforce them. As I mentioned, Family night. Family council every week where we discuss the weeks agenda, our goals, our needs. Reading with the family every single night. An ensign article discussed at the table every morning or as close as many mornings as we can. Up earlier with a more relaxing morning to benefit from it. I am going to incorporate a family award that when we see you doing something special for someone or something in the home that you normally do not, you get an award along with your name on our board. We are going to have a game night once a week that that is all we do. Have the three middle kids do more jobs than the past. Now typing it all out it seems a bit daunting, but my kids really love structure and they really love to do anything that makes them feel like they are helping. They will sure love all these ideas.

I love the newness of the year and I love the goals we can all make. Resolutions, not so much, but goals that can only help us become better than we were the day before is my thing. So here's to making a better tomorrow!