Tuesday, July 17, 2012

No words...

*I found a few drafts!  I am so happy I did this and forgot to publish it long ago!

I know exactly why it has taken me so long to write this post on the arrival of our new little sweetheart, Emersyn. When something major happens in our lives like a vacation, or a new little one to love, it is hard for me to put into words the joy it has brought and the way we really feel about it all, so I put it off. Thinking somehow it will come to me, but the fact is I could never put into words what we felt like on that day, April 29th, 2011. It was for lack of a better word, Magical or Amazing or well, like I said. No words.

My last doctor appointment before having miss Emmy, was surreal. I could not believe that the day had come. Like most of my pregnancies, I am not one to wish the time away. The longer I am pregnant, the younger my baby is...does that make sense? As I was walking out of my Ob's office, the nurse said, I bet you are ready for next week! I was, but I was savoring every moment of this pregnancy, I was not wishing it away.

That week a whole new realm of nesting set in. I was a mad woman. Then contractions went from not too painful, to pretty painful, to very painful. So by Wednesday I was on strict bed rest. There were so many times I told or called Andy and said, I should probably go to the hospital, but I do NOT want an emergency C-Section. I laid low. I did nothing. I was BORED! REAL bored, and it was worse because I would lay there thinking of all the things I would have loved to be doing, but nope, the couch it was. I could hardly make it to the bathroom without being in pain. I could not count the contractions I would have from the couch to the bathroom. Whew, it was fun.

The night before our big day was full. We had Maddox and Jadeyn heading off to Aunt Michelle's house, and they were SO very excited about that. Cortland and Paxton stayed here and my dear friend Annette came over to watch them early that next morning. Bennett went to school. Andy took Maddox and Jadeyn to Michelle's and they were thrilled, but for whatever reason Maddox called around 9 crying saying he wanted to come home and he wanted me. I held it together, thankfully, but every time I have a baby I get really emotional for my children. Life really changes for them. I pray and pray that they will love the new addition and can feel our love multiply instead of divide. Maddox finally quieted down which helped my heart, but I laid on the couch with tears in my eyes sad for my little guy. I was so happy that my five kiddos had two loving people I adored being with them that next day.

After getting the house in the state I wanted and having every thing out for Nicki who would be staying with them while we were staying in the hospital we headed to bed. Nicki is not like family, she is family. We all love her. I feel more happy for my kids while she is here than while I am here! She is awesome! I was so hoping I would get some great sleep that night. It wasn't too bad, but I kept waking up fearful I would over sleep. At 4:00 am I was wide awake. I did my hair, my make up, my nails and that took a half hour. I had much more time to fill. Oddly enough this being the BEST by a landslide pregnancy I have ever had with never throwing up even once, I threw up this morning. Which was weird because I had to be fasting since the night before, but I guess I could not get by without even getting sick once! So then I headed downstairs and watched the Royal Wedding. I had No plans of doing this, but in my pregnant state, I was overcome with emotion. I was in love with them being in love. The looked it. It felt genuine and pure. I love a good love story. I feel I have such a beautiful one and wish everyone could have the same thing. I felt it for them. Let's hope, right?

Finally the time came to wake up Andy. I rushed up the stairs not worrying about contractions anymore. I woke up Andy by saying, "Hey babe, lets go have a baby!" Isn't that so fun. It gives me chills just thinking about saying it! He woke up got ready and then we waited for my sweet friend Annette to come. She is one of those friends who offers to do anything and everything for you and one of those friends I actually call upon to do something for me. That says a lot. She got here with her protein shake in hand, we double checked to make sure we had all we needed, and out the door we went.

As we drove to St. Elisabeth's, we talked about how strange it is we are heading to the hospital with five children and we will leave the hospital with six! We will have a whole other child to love and adore and to take care of. It is so exciting to think about. We talked about what she will look like, her temperament, how much she would weigh, what color her hair would be. We were soon to know all these things. We were soon to know Love times 6. We were soon to hold in our arms something so new, so fresh and straight from Heaven.

I just love the hospital. I know people do not like it at all. I know I am the exception, but I love being there with my new born baby. I love every minute of it. I was like a giddy little girl walking in the doors. We headed straight up to labor and delivery. I was checked into a room to get into my gown while Andy did the last steps of registering. I waited there for him with so much excitement and cheer. He came back and I just could not stop talking about how excited I was. The nurses came in and asked their questions. Started the IV and all those things. I just could not believe with each thing they did we were one step closer to seeing our little girl. Each time they would ask what we were having I would always say girl and then question it in my mind. I was fully prepared for a boy too. I guess since I found out so late in the pregnancy, I wasn't completely convinced that I was actually carrying a girl. They had me take this nasty NASTY tasting thing for acid reflux or something before I went in and I honestly have never tasted anything more nasty in my entire life. It was so gross. I would much MUCH rather have had acid reflux! Andy got dressed in his adorable little jumpsuit, which was about the funniest thing I had seen and we were ready!

The nurse came in and said, we were ready to go. The wheeled me into the operating room while Andy stayed outside. It always makes me sad that he is not there for the Spinal. I would love to have him there. It is not the most pleasant thing in the world, but I have to say this time was the best. It was not even painful at all! AND they had to reenter because of some scar tissue from a previous spinal. It is such a weird sensation with a bit of pain, but this time there was no pain at all. I was so blessed. Dr. Tissier, the worlds best Ob, held my hand and was so funny and sweet while it was going on. He is just so great. I love LOVE him.

The operating table is SO SO small. I would say it is like 24 inches wide. That is what is seems like anyway. So tiny. I always feel like I am going to fall off. I felt uncomfortable, but once my feet started to feel numb and they laid me back, I was in no pain at all and feeling great. They put the shield up and started. I reminded them to send in my hubby! I did not want him to miss this! He came in and he stood back by the anesthesiologist talking with the two ladies like he was one as well. He loves all the operating aspects of it all. He loves watching what is going on and giving me the play by play. Sometimes a little too much detail. This was the quickest c section I had ever had. It had been mere minutes and I heard the anesthesiologist say she is here and is beautiful! I instantly cried. Tears and tears, lots of tears. The joy in that room was beyond words. The feeling was incredible. Such a heavenly moment. I felt so humbled that another sweet baby was placed in my arms to be taken care of and to be loved. I was being trusted to love this sweetheart with all I had. Dr. T, held her up and I knew exactly what she would look like. I could not contain my joy. Then Andy brought her over to me. That was a moment in time I will never ever forget.

They took her to to clean her off and weigh her right there in the room and she started screaming! It was a sound I loved and was so grateful to hear. The pediatrician came in and said she looked great. I was a little worried about that after my last experience with Paxton, I was so grateful to hear she was doing well! Andy and our sweet little girl left to head down to the nursery while I waited to be "finished" up. This is the part that normally takes the bulk of the time, but again this time was the best. It went fast and was surprisingly great. The anesthesiologist was telling me about her 5 children. It was fun to talk with someone with a larger family. My blood pressure was dropping and dropping which normally happens, but once it his like 47/89 they decided to give me some sort of meds to raise it a bit. All of a sudden Dr. T said, you are good to go and we went a head and implanted that fertilized egg for you. So funny, he said that last time too! I was stapled up and ready to go. The hospital was full so I recovered in the operating room. I talked with my nurse and was pretty chatty. She was so nice and didn't seem to mind, but I kept asking where my husband and baby were. I was fighting back the feeling that she was having a hard time breathing, I just wanted to know! I was there for about an hour and no baby and no husband to be seen anywhere! She kept me busy talking so that was a great distraction! Dr. T came in and said, she is beautiful and doing great, so that was very reassuring.

Finally they had a room for me so they wheeled me down there and still no husband in sight. Apparently he did not know I was still in the operating room and him along with my parents were waiting in the first room we were in for like 40 minutes. Finally my nurse called down to the nursery and told them I was more than ready for my baby! A few minutes later Andy and my parents found me and right after that my sweet baby was brought to me. I was taken back by her beauty. I already adored her. I knew her. I recognized her. I quickly scooped her up. I held her close and tight and hoped that moment would never ever end. I then started to feel really hot and felt a little nauseous. Andy took the baby and I threw up! It was weird because that had never happened. It was only once and not a big deal, but still weird. I did not ever have the shakes though right after birth which normally happens every single time nor was I super cold and shivering either. It is weird that I did the same exact thing that had been done four times before and it could be so different this time and I felt like all the other times went super well, but this time was a dream. It was perfect. Just like her, perfection.

That night mainly consisted of feeding her, holding her, smelling her and admiring her. All of my nurses were so amazing and sweet. That night the nurse took her down to the nursery and said of all the moms you need a break the most, but I didn't want a break. I wanted her! I did not sleep until they brought her back to me to feed her. I held her, fed her and had Andy place her back in her bed and held on to it to make sure no one came back to take her from me! About 6 hours after the c section they had me walk to the bathroom. It was so easy this time. The worst was with my first one for sure, and the others were okay, but this time I felt little pain. It is always weird using the muscles the first time after they have been cut, but I did pretty good. Sitting down is also hard. You never realize how much you use those stomach muscles. I realize every time I want to sit down and since it hurts a bit you go slowly which only makes it hurt more because you are using them more!

So they came in and did all the vital things through out the night, but I don't mind that at all. I like when they come in. I like knowing they are doing that because I just had a baby! How great is that!

I look back on that day with such gratitude in my heart. It is just a feeling that you cannot describe, there are literally no words. I tear up just thinking about seeing her sweet little face for the first time or looking at Andy as he was watching her being born. I have watched the video several times. They had a hard time getting her out because she was breech and they did not know that and were not prepared for that. It took two doctors and a nurse to pull her out finally! That day was the absolute best day of our lives. April 29th 2011. The best day ever. Our wedding day and our other children's births were amazing as well, but it is always our last child's birth that makes it the greatest because we feel complete. We feel so much love and happiness. I am so grateful for a birth with no complications. I am so grateful for a healthy beautiful baby girl that we decided to name Emersyn Kathlene, after both of our mothers. I am so grateful for helping hands and a loving family. I am so grateful for the outpouring of love and gifts we have received. I kept her gifts on our dining room table for weeks just to see all the love every single day. That day our family changed for ever, for the better, I am thankful that she can be a part of our crazy lives. She is loved and adored by so many. I whisper that in her ear every single day. I cherish her. I am humbled to be her mom and amazed she picked me!

Thanks Emmy for joining our family! You are in for a crazy ride, but I tell you, there are very few things I do well even and no where near perfection, but there is one and only thing I am perfect at and that is loving my children. I love you with every thing I have! You complete us. You without a doubt are the most incredible thing I know.

Some other things that happened while we were in the hospital!

*she had a hard time gaining weight. They almost kept her there because of it!
*The food there was amazing. No lie. It was like getting breakfast, lunch and dinner at an awesome restaurant every single day and they even fed the dads!
*grandma Kathy spent a good amount of time there with us because she could not tear herself away for miss Em.
*When the kids came to visit it was so amazing. They were all so excited to hold her.
*We had some great visitors. Aunt Nan and Vitoria, Grandma Kathy, Grandpa Phil, Grandma and Grandpa W., Uncle Kyle and Aunt Sarah, Grandma Joy and Grandpa Don, Cami, Tiera, Annette and Shawn, Nicki.
*We heard on the news while in the hospital that they had caught Osama bin Laden.
*Emmy added her little foot to the wall of fame.
*I am pretty sure this was my most favorite hospital to deliver, being the fourth one.
*They give the moms snack bags that literally had over 50 snacks. My kids were in heaven. They were fun things that mom never ever buys!
*My staples all fell out and they were not supposed to.
*I got the pertusis immunization that hurt worse than the c section.
*All the nurses kept saying, well you already know this you are a pro and I would always say, no not at all, it is like this is my very first baby and that is how it is every single time!
*We got some sad news from Utah about one of Andy's cousins that really made the birth of our baby even more amazing. Much more on that later.
*I stayed to the absolute last minute they would let me stay!

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