how sweet it is

****this was written a week ago...check the update at the end of the post!

last night i fed paxton at 11:00 he did not wake up again till 4:45. that my friend is awesome if you ask me. then he did not awake again till 10:45...even awesomer.

my babes start sleeping through the night between 4-8 weeks so soon enough he should be sleeping through the night, so for now i will just enjoy our little 5 am get-togethers...i love that boy i tell ya.

while he was in the hospital i kept saying he was grounded and his grounding would entail me holding him ALL the time, well it looks like the little guy has taken me up on that punishment. he really is content when in MY arms, again, i have to say i love it.

*******i have to update and report that since this post which was orginated last week he has slept 8 hours a night since. can i say how much i love that!*********

this friday

This Friday we are getting our pictures taken by this really awesome photographer that did my cousins recent wedding. Her pics were amazing and I noticed on her website that they do family photos as well. We decided before it got cold we wanted to our family's picture done. Why I am doing this a month after having a baby is beyond me, but we are.

I am having a hard time coordinating outfits. I want it to be neutral enough that we can have the photo up all year. So nothing really light or heavy. I would like to wear all the same color sort of. We have always done white shirts and either jeans or khakis, but I am not sure what to do this year. I wish I could see some really awesome pics of a darling family and get some ideas of what to wear. I am so excited about this photo op and I don't want to wish we would have wore something else...you know? Anyway, I have 3 days to decided. Look forward to some great shots, at least of the kids. I wonder if she can photo shop about 30 pounds off of me and make sure Andy has his eyes open???

Humorous

I am not really sure if this is funny or not,

but with the cooler weather settling in,

we have had hot chocolate the last 3 nights in a row...

super yummy hot chocolate.

*Remind me this next month when I am still wondering why I am not losing the baby weight.

Gratitude

I am sitting here after a yummy Sunday dinner of pork loin, mashed potatoes, carrots, grapes and delish rolls and a "spooky" drink, thinking how grateful I am for the life I have. I love Sundays, I love that we leave the "outside" world outside. We just focus on our family. We enjoy church in the morning and then enjoy each other the rest of the day. I am grateful for these days. I like that they are a little different from the rest of the week.



Sitting on the couch listening to my sometimes louder than I would like children, watching them enjoy one anothers company, noticing my sweet husband taking in all the craziness, makes me giddy. I love my life.



This morning church as we walked in 2 minutes late, something I detest and never accept, we sat near the back with all these small children following our lead, I wondered how this hour would turn out. By the end of that hour would I be stressed out, would I wonder how it will ever be done, will I wish I wouldn't have even come? I was thinking that and as we sat, I realized after that hour that is one more hour that I have lost. One more hour they are older and closer to not even going to church with me. I need to enjoy the every moment I have. I intend to do that.

I am grateful for so many things in my life, for my family, my children, my extended family, my family I married into, our health, our home, our vehicles, our job, our everyday little things that make life easier and more convenient, ie, computer, cameras, phones...

This is the life. The life that I feel lucky to have and really "lucky" to in fact know that I am lucky.

i did it...

paxton had his one month appointment this morning. i cannot believe we are a month old already, but i am not even going to go there. i was hoping to get someone to come watch the other three while i ventured out, but no luck. so i had to do the impossible...take all four children with me. i know, people have done it before, i am not the first to attempt this, but i was really worried. all four of my kids that i took are still to young to really understand safety, manners, and they aren't to the point where they understand bribery or coincidences, so that is why i was worried.

so i fed paxton this morning, got them all ready even did jadeyn's hair, got them all out to the car, buckled, and off we were. we even got to the doctors office with 5 minutes to spare...that i was really impressed by. we even walked in with out losing anyone, or anything. i told myself before we left, i can make this easy on myself or hard, stress or not stress and i chose to not stress.

there were three sets of twins in the office waiting. the girls at the desk looked at me like i had two heads when we walked in. they said so you brought them all huh? ah, looks like it. i even asked if they could just get their flu shots while we were there, so then they knew i was crazy taking that on by myself too, but hey that was one last time i had to bring them all in. i had everyone in the office asking me all kids of questions. it was kind of funny. i was just happy that it went smooth. every one always assumes madd and cort are the twins, because they are both boys i guess so then when i say no they say oh they are triplets, no boy girl twins. then they get real confused, because apparently it is impossible to have a baby after twins?!?!

they all go their shots and they didn't even flinch. i was shocked. cort went first and he did so good and then jadeyn asked for her turn next. the nurses commented on them being so good, so they didn't think i was quite as crazy since they were good kids for having that many that close.

when we were all done and after paxton had his one month check and got the thumbs up we ran to mcdonald's for a happy meal.

i am so happy i did it. i do not want to do it again, in case it doesn't go as smooth, but for now i am so pleased with my outing.

on a side note, my headaches still have not died down. when ever i bend over it hits me hard and starts in my neck. i found out the only way to fix it is having my own blood pumped back into my spine where they put the spinal...does not sound fun and for sure something i do not plan on doing, so i will just wait the 6 months for it to go away. but don't feel sorry for me, i am the luckiest.

Last night

Yes I know these photos need to be turned, but for some reason it won't let me turn them from the disc?!?

Last night I had the opportunity to get sweet baby Paxton's picture taken. I was interested to see how well he would do. He did so good. The lady snapped 100 shots and said she normally does 30, they were just all so good. I had wanted to get his picture taken so long ago and when they could do it I couldn't and when I could they were booked. By this time with Bennett he had his picture taken 3 times professionally! That is a little over bored I can fully admit!

He did such a good job and did not make a peep, he was almost too relaxed. I even had him naked and he did such a good job. My mom cried during the pictures and while we were picking them out and when we were all done. She is emotional, normally when it comes to children, especially mine, but the whole ordeal we went through with this sweet baby, just really pushed her over the edge when it comes to emotions. All she does is look at him and cries. It is really sweet. Anyway, we hooked her up with some photos and then she took me out to dinner, and to Red Lobster, which is my favorite! What a nice mom. It was so fun just her and I and the baby being out somewhere.

Speaking of my mom, she stayed with me a whole week and took off work. I can not put into words how much we appreciated her doing that. She is so good with my kids. It is a lot of work, and she handles it so well. She doesn't just watch them, she plays and interacts so well with them. I love watching her teach them something new. I love that she loves being a grandma to our children. I honestly feel like I know she loves me even more, by the relationship she has with her grandchildren. I feel so lucky to have her in my life and in their lives. We are so blessed to have our families near by. I would not trade it for anything!!!!

Thanks mom for a great week and all the time you sacrifice to be with us. We all love it around here a little bit more when you are around...Andy still thinks you should move in!!!!

getting to know baby paxton

what a great week it has been at home with all of our children. it has been so fun having them all at home getting to know each other. the kids just can't stand it they are so in love with him. i love that they love him.



paxton, i love you hair line. you are not going to be out done by your brothers colics, you are right there in the running for the craziest hair lines.



i love they way you cry when you are getting your diaper changed and that is THE only time you cry. i know you are just showing us how very well your lungs are working.



i love that at night when i think you have been too quiet you always move or make a little noise to set me at ease.



i love how you allow your older siblings to maul you without any complaints.



i love you tiny body and how you like to be all squished up.



i love how you take you own little sweet time to eat...more time to hold you.



i love that even though you look like my son, you have your own little look to you at the same time.



i love that even though you are my fifth child and the fifth of so many young ones, somehow you being here has made me more calm and patient.



i love how laid back you are and how adaptable you have been since we have been home.



i love that you are mine forever.



one thing i don't love...you are almost 3 weeks old and my time with you is already going to fast!!! Please time, SLOW DOWN!!!!

lovin it...

I LOVE FALL EVERYTHING!!!!

I love the weather!

I love the smells!

I love my pumpkin candle!

I love the pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting we made!

I love the long sleeve outfits for my kiddos!

I love layering clothes for me!

I love jackets!

I love Halloween!

I love the leaves changing!

I love the smell of burning leaves!

I love the caramel apples we made last night!

I love the meal in a pumpkin I will make tomorrow night!

I love the crafts we are doing with the kids!

I love the skeleton I bought for our yard!

I love pumpkin pancakes!

I love pumpkin chocolate chip cookies we will make!

I love the kids costumes!

I love pumpkin picking with the kiddos!

I love the four day weekend, thank you CC!

I love how it gets darker earlier, only because it is significant with this time of year!

I could really go on and on, but one thing I have just realized I don't like is all the yummy foods I listed, that will not help with my journey to lose my 20 or 30, but who's counting, right? Oh yeah, I am, but still I love this time of year!

Happy Birthday to my main man...

On the 29th of September we celebrated Andy's birthday. It was fun it was our first full day home from the hospital and it was nice to all be together for his birthday. My parents were here and my grandma made his favorite cake, german chocolate, and the kids each had a turn at blowing out the candles. I had like 3 things in mind to get him for his birthday even though we normally don't get each other presents, but since I didn't get it before I had Paxton, I wasn't able to get him anything. He didn't care though. And he mentioned having Paxton home was gift enough. I do agree!

I remember the second night in the hospital after having Paxton thinking I am so happy that my husband and I have a good relationship. Stressful things can really be even more stressful to a marriage that isn't strong, or it can even unite a marriage more. Even though I think we have a pretty perfect marriage, going through the whole Paxton stress made us realize even more how much we love each other. Friday night at the hospital they bring you a celebration dinner. It was prime rib, shrimp, rolls, fresh green beans, a salad, cheesecake and black forest cake. It was so fun. When they first brought it in I was in the middle of a break down and wasn't being so nice and sure wasn't in the mood to celebrate, but looking at my husband and realizing how much I really had to celebrate I quickly changed my tune.

I am so grateful for him in my life. I really could not create personally a better husband. There is nothing I would change. I am so blessed. Every night he would come see us at the hospital I would just cry and cry before he would have to leave. I hated being away from him, it killed me. He even said at night when he would go to bed he didn't have a good feeling, and he realized it was because I wasn't there. He is so sweet and I totally understand what he means. We truly were meant to be together.

Andy I love you and I hope you had a great birthday. It was 15 years to the date that we had met. I was walking out of English class my Junior year of high school, I knew of him, but didn't know him, and he said, are you Terica B* and I said yeah, and he said I am Andy E* and it is my birthday today! I thought that was so funny and now every year on his birthday we remember the many years before when we met. Such a funny moment! I am so happy on that day September 29, 1993 I met what would end up being my main man.

double the fun

I feel so blessed and so fortunate to have these great kiddos I call my own, and I must say how happy I am that I have twins. I can remember being in the fifth grade talking about my boy/girl twins. I am so grateful that not only did I dream about them many MANY years ago, but my dreams turned into reality. I am not saying double duty is always easy, but it is sure always worth it, although sometimes it takes me a while to realize it:)! But seriously look how adorable these two are...be still my heart! I love you CHAD and CHELSEY! Ok so I didn't end up using Chad Conrad and Chelsey Nicole, but they are still twins and I love the names Jadeyn and Cortland even better!!!

any ideas who did this?

One day before I had the baby, I was out running errands and when I came home and walked in the front door I found this. The poor girl left the evidence right there by the crime scene, we had no need to ask who the guilty was of this crime on carpet. There will be a dry glued spiced with windex on my carpet for many more years to come. Thanks J, for adding some flare to our foyer!

when we got home

she would look at me with the brightest smile I have ever seen like she was just so pleased with life!
this little one just could not contain his excitement
he is so sweet and soft with him
a little visit from the great grandparents...so fun for them to meet him

I have been meaning to post this photos for almost 2 weeks now and I am just now getting to it. These were taken when we came home. I have to tell you the kids were so SO excited to have us home. I knew they would love the baby, but I really had no idea how very excited they would be to hold him, hug him, kiss on him. Jadeyn just is in heaven her real life baby doll. Cortland is so cute when he comes up to him and says to him be so soft and Maddox quite frankly can not contain himself he gets so excited. When we came home he kept saying "wanna hold it" it melted my heart. When he was holding him he literally shake from so much excitement. It was so sweet. Bennett loves this baby so much it is so sweet. I am so grateful they had accepted him so well they way they have and love him so much. I think they may just love him too much because I cannot keep their little mouths off of Paxton's. Maddox is not satisfied unless his lips touch Paxton's lips...should be fun trying to keep that from happening...wish me luck!

My sweet little one...this is from while I was in the hospital and finished up at home...a little out of order

The morning of...

Daddy waiting for the section to get started.

During the section.

My camera was on the wrong setting so most of the pictures are blurry.

The one time I got to see my baby, and this was all I got.


This right here although very blurry shows exactly how they feel about their grandchildren, nothing makes them happier!

Trying all they could to keep him with me...

Aunt Nan and Victoria visiting

What a couple of days. He is here and he is SO VERY CUTE! I am in love all over again. It has been quite a roller coaster I have to say.

Wednesday morning I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and I was ready and awake. My plan was to get up at 4:30, but I woke up at 2:30 and was ready to go. There was nothing I could do to fall asleep. So I got up, but had no where to go. I couldn't go downstairs because Michelle and her two sleeping girls were down there and Andy and the kids were sleeping upstairs so I went into the bathroom and did what everyone in my position would do, straighten their hair. :) Then I polished my nails. You know typical things one would do when they wake up at 2:3o in the morning. Then I just did some things around the house very very quietly and in the dark. So finally when the time came to wake up Andy I did and we were ready to go. On the way out of the door I threw up everywhere outside. This little guy had me throwing up till the very last day. But, we were off.



We arrived at the hospital and I just can't tell you how excited I was to see him. I was a little stressed out about the surgery and my little guys breathing, but I was excited as I had ever been to meet my little one. They got me all prepped and the whole time I was so emotional. I didn't want this pregnancy to be over. I know that is weird, but I just was so sad to not be pregnant anymore and have him with me all the time and just the thought of his birth was that much closer to him growing up. I know, I am crazy, I am VERY aware of this.



They had me all ready to go and my doctor came in and said he was ready to go. Andy got all "scrubbed" too. They wheeled me in and again just so emotional. Evey thing was just going way too fast. How could I already being having this little one. I wanted time to sit still. I got into the very cold and sterile room. While in there they had me sit on the table and hug my knees which obviously is so easy when you have a huge baby in the way. The spinal went well. Not my favorite thing, but sure beats feeling the 7 inch incision being made. It is not the pain as much as the odd sensation when finding the spot with the needle to release the meds. So when that was done, Andy was invited in. Again it was all going way to fast for my liking. I wanted to savor that moment, I wanted to relive all my other children's births, I wanted to see my little guy so bad.



Again they had him out within 5 minutes. I love that. I didn't even really know they had started and before I knew it he was out. He was breech which isn't too bad when he is a C section, but coming out heiny first is not the ideal. He came out and finally let out a little cry. Of course as always I hear "look at all the hair" and "look how big he is". I have heard that every single time now. They were going on and on about how big he was so I was figuring a 10 pounder. When the took him over to the isolate they noticed he was grunting a little bit so they mentioned taking him to the nursery after seeing grandma and grandpa. The next 45 minutes was torture. Good news was my doctor said he had never seen a more beautiful uterus. Pretty good for my fourth c section. He was so nice and kept reassuring me that everything was fine. What I do not like about this part is when they baby is taken away daddy goes with him and mom lays there being beat up. Luckily before the baby and daddy were taken away, Andy brought little Paxton to my face and I kissed him and whispered to him how much I loved him. The time was too short, but I knew my time would come.



I do not remember it being quite so uncomfortable. I had such pressure on my chest and it burned so bad and I finally mentioned it to my right hand lady the anesthesiologist and she reassured me it is normal. It sure was not fun to be normal. The pressure and pulling and all that was just horrible. Apparently I kept groaning because my poor doctor kept saying are you sure you are ok? Finally when he got all the organs back in he said you must feel better. That is just weird. I did feel a lot better and I was so excited when they announced they were done. It just all goes so darn fast. Again of course I just shook the whole entire time and I feel so crazy because it is all so out of my control. And I do not like the nasal cannula they use for oxygen, but I understand the need. It is just so hard to be in there for most of the time without my husband. I kept hoping he would be back in and nothing. So after it was all said and done, they wheeled me back in to the delivery room. I stayed there and recovered for about 2 hours. The whole time they had the baby. I hadn't really even seen him yet other than in the operating room. I think he looks like Maddox. He has massive amounts of dark hair like the other boys. And just so cute.



About two hours after they took me down the hall to the recovery rooms. My aunt and cousin were there along with my parents. It was so nice to have family here this time. I was so excited about that part. Andy wasn't with me too much. He spent most of the time down with the baby. We were still not sure if he was getting better with his breathing. I tell you the curse of the c sections have not been good to me in the sense that they just get too much fluid in their little lungs and it doesn't help that they have so much body mass to breath for. Eventually the inevitable happened. I knew and was afraid of the fact that there was not a NICU in my hospital and that there was a good chance that he would have to be flown over to a really good hospital across the river. And sure enough about 3 pm the nurse came in and said he needed to go over there. Now anyone who knows me knows my great love for my hospital stay. I love love love it. My cousin asked why and I can't really describe it, but I just love being in there with your newborn just you and the baby and bonding with him and feeding him and doing nothing other than being together. I just love that and would have 45 children if I could for that reason only. The other thing I love is I am not in charge of anything. I have no responsibilities. I rest, relax, sleep and eat and hold my little one. Really it does not get better than that. And now at this point they were telling me I did not get that. In fact I had not even held him yet. I have to say I did not take it very well. To say the rest of that day was a little too melodramatic would be a huge understatement. When the nurse came in and started telling me at first I was like ok, this is for the best and it needs to be done and then right when I thought I cannot believe I am not crying about this, BAM I started bawling. I am talking the ugly as all get out cry and you can't catch your breath cry. Embarrassing to say the least. On top of it my whole family is watching and I am literally falling apart. Every one in the room was hysterical at this point. It was crazy. They sent an ambulance over and we waited till about 5 when they arrived. Then when they got there it got a little worse. And at this point my brother and his wife were there too. Which having everyone there really did provide a lot of comfort to me. The nurse came in that was taking him over and she handed me a little blanket to place on him and told me I needed to hold this for a while to get Paxton's mommy's scent on it so he would know I was still with him. Now come on, that is sweet I know, but my gosh that did not help the little melo drama we had going on in there. Then they wheeled him in in his little covered bassinet and opened the side for me to touch his little leg and arm. I tried to peek in there to get a good look at my sweet baby, but they had already put him on the ventilator so I couldn't really tell what he really looked like. All I know is at this point I was kind of on automatic, just going through the motions. I don't really remember much from that point till the next day. It is all a blur. I knew they took him and my parents rode over there to be with him when he got there and stay with him which was such a relief. I also know that the hospital was SUPER busy so everyone had to have a shared room, but I think they felt sorry for me and moved me to a private room. It was very nice of them.

The kids come to visit, it was not how I pictured it, but it was still so fun to see them.

That night I thought well maybe I can get some rest since I don't even have my baby here, but no such luck. They were in every two hours checking on me. The usual vitals and the incision and asking how I was doing and refilling water. Not much rest was going on there. Every time I would wake I was wishing the nurse would come in and ask when the baby had last ate and how much and if he had peed or pooped. I missed that. We periodically got calls all night from the other hospital updated us on Paxton and asking for permission to do all sorts of things. It was a long night.

The next three days were again a blur. The nurses were all very nice. The one thing I really do remember is I was in NO pain at all. From the time I had the section till right now I had not had one single pain. That was such a relief. I was so grateful for that. I watched a lot of tv, ate a lot of hospital food, drank a lot of water, had my blood pressure taken a lot. I also had a major bruise from my IV and no more catheter. I also received a lot of flowers, balloons, cards and bears. All the nice things were just so sweet and thoughtful and a big thank you to all of you who sent such nice things. All I could do was count down the time till I got out of there and was able to go onto another hospital, which is sad, because that is normally such a fun thing for me when I have may babies.

This picture is so sad, because it was right after they itubated him, and although he was finally put at ease and wasn't struggling so much, it was the sure sign he was leaving me.

Saturday morning came and my doctor came in to check me and released me. It was such a great feeling. He gave me strict orders to not go over there all day and think I can handle it all right after a C section. Well I am sorry, but there is no way any mother would agree to that. I smiled as to say, ok, fully knowing you would not get me away from there until my baby was home. I got ready and ate breakfast then we were out of there. I have to say it was a lot different than my last experiences after having a baby, but I will cherish that time just as much. I try not to think of it being that I did not have my baby there with me and more like I had a safe delivery for him and he was in good hands and I knew he was able to go over to an even better hospital places in better hands. I try not to look at it being a bad experience, but more of a great thing. I am not going to lie, it was hard really really hard, but he is home and I am one lucky mommy.

The nice things people sent.

The end of the era and a whole lotta pictures to go with...

My first moments with my little baby Paxton!

my first look at him when i got there

the first day i got there and the nice nurse let me hold him for a minute you can see by my look how overwhelming it was
cute little feet
tired looking daddy
words cannot describe how happy i was to hold my little baby finally after 3 and a half days


his bed for 11 days
my bed for eternity or so it seemed, notice what became my bff...the pump

sweeite boy
such a beauty
so many hours spent like this

Looking back at our stay it all seems to be a big blur. All the days run together and all the nights. When people ask be specifics I never know what to tell them, because it all seems to be like on really long day that lasted several months.

I do know that Thursday morning was their last blood count they took it was at 5 in the morning. They wanted to get his levels a little lower and said once they did that they would stop testing all together. That night while I was sleeping, all 2 hours of it, I kept dreaming over and over that they results came back in the 400's! Which is impossible, but I was so nervous. I knew once we got to the point where they stopped testing we were closer to getting home. When I woke up I was so nervous to ask the nurse the results and she told me 45! We had not ever been lower than mid 50's, honestly if I hadn't just had major stomach surgery I would have done a back flip right there in his room. The dr's on their rounds that morning were just as excited. So at this point, the artery line was out and we were waiting for the rest to go too. They told the nurses he didn't need the fluids anymore that I could just feed him from now on, he was off the antibiotic so the IV could come completely out, he was off the artery line and now since his numbers had been getting better they took him down from 30% oxygen, to room oxygen which is 21% and his flow which was at 5 liters which is the most you could have had been taken down slowly and was now able to be stopped completely. So by Thursday at 11:30 he had nothing attached to him. He still had the leads that read his oxygen saturation, breaths, and pulse. Those are just sticky things that attach to his chest. It was so great to see my little guy free of all those things. It was like seeing him for the first time all over again. He finally looked like a healthy baby! It was such a great feeling. So the doctors said that he would be out if 24-48 hours as long as things kept going up.

That night he his weight stayed the same which seemed impossible. The poor nurse weighed him all night and kept trying to get a better reading. Finally the last time we tried it had gone up some. The was such a relief or so we thought. The next night it was back down, now if we had kept the first reading the night before it would not have looked like he lost so much. I was so nervous. When the doctors came in they said let's just keep him here for the 48 hours and you can go. I was ok with this because his oxygen sats were not as high as I would have liked so I was ok being monitored one more night. Friday night the nurses went through all the discharge orders with me and he had is car seat test, which lasted 3 hours. They just need to make sure they can breath ok in the car seat and he did great with that. So Saturday morning came and he was only up less than an ounce from his 5 ounce weight loss. I knew we were in trouble, but I also knew all his swelling had come down, he looked like a different baby not retaining all those fluids from the IV, and I also knew that he was eating pretty good. He only liked nursing, but would fall asleep all the time while eating so I wasn't so sure how much he was really eating. So when the docs came in they were not happy with the weight loss and I could tell where this was going. They wanted to keep him one more night. I lost it. I started bawling and again was SO embarrassed. I am sure I freaked out all the docs. I couldn't talk really even, so embarrassing. I could not believe they were keeping him for something totally unrelated to the reason we were there. I could follow up with his pediatrician for weight checks like I have with my other children, why was my sentence longer now? I was not happy. Seriously at that point I had had it, I didn't not think I could last another moment in there. I called Andy right away bawling. He thought he would be coming over to get us this day and no such luck. I was so sad and mad all at the same time. He wasn't too happy either. I was bound and determined to get this little guy to gain weight this day. I was a little disappointed because they kept saying they wanted him to get down from 10% of his birth weight and he was right on, and now they are saying we have to stay!

my little baby getting some sun and food--my hours of pumping coming in good use

Andy came over and for the first time in 11 days besides coming home one night to sleep, I got outside. It had been so long since I had seen daylight it hurt my eyes. We went down the street to a Hollywood video and bought three movies to take home to the kids, I was feeling a little guilty, and rented three movies for what I was hoping to be my last night serving my time. We also got a bunch of treats which was fun. I watched movies practically all night. I didn't want fall asleep and miss a feeding or something else go wrong, I didn't want to jinx anything so I tried to stay up to make sure things were going the direction I had hoped for. Sunday morning came and the dr's came in and they discussed everything and then said those 4 magic words I had been wanting to hear for so long...HE CAN GO HOME! Had I ever heard four more beautiful words? I instantly called Andy and said, come quick before they change their minds. He did come quick. He brought Bennett which Bennett loved. He struggled by far the most out of our kids. He really is the only one to get it in a way. Poor thing just worried himself sick.

no more oxygen or IV

They got there and I was ready to go. I had the room cleaned up and everything packed. I was so ready to get out. I was finally able to put his going home outfit on. He looked so great. Andy took my bags down and then Bennett and I walked out with the nurse. As I was walking out holding my little baby I kept watching my back afraid someone would come running after us saying they made a mistake he had to stay. I have never walked so fast in my life especially less than two weeks after a c section. I was out, we were in the clear. We were headed home.

We got him strapped into his car seat and off we were. The day had come. I sat in the passenger seat so grateful we were leaving and wondered how I survived. I also could not get the other children and parents out of my mind that I left there at my home away from home. How were they? How much more could they handle? Were their children going to be ok? So many unanswered questions. Now my prayers go out to all of them, hopefully they will be in my spot so soon. All of a sudden now 11 days seemed not so long. I was so lucky I got out in 11 days. There were some there that had celebrated their first birthdays in the NICU never had been out of the NICU before. We have truly been blessed.

I have to say though if my child had to be in the NICU it could not have been better than the one we were at. Everyone was so nice and it was so nice to be there all the time with him. It was kind of nice that I was the only one with him the whole time. I got a lot of one on one time with him. It was something I had been worried about coming home with so many small children I was worried I would not get that bonding time with my new baby. I sure did though. It was nice for that reason. Anytime I felt sorry for myself I would walk down the hall and see all the parents in the rooms with the fragile little babies and see how blessed I was. I knew my baby would be coming home soon, he would be ok, not a lot of other parents could say that in that hospital. I was so lucky. I was also so grateful we have insurance, the rumor around the hospital was the minimum stay there a day was 30 grand...unbelievable! I was also so grateful for the meal plan for the nursing mothers. Free food is always nice. I wasn't able to be with my other children, but I knew they were being well taken care of by people who loved them very much. That was such a blessing too.

when he was coming off the drugs, he was so sleepy and he would just open one little eye at a time

I could feel the prayers from our family and friends literally. It was amazing the kind of recovery he had. The day I got there on Saturday he was still basically in his drug induced coma, hooked up to everything imaginable and looked so sick. Within three hours of me being there he was making remarkable steps. In fact the nurse that was there that night with him came back the next day and she could not believe that how much better he was looking. I knew it was through prayers that he was doing so well. It was over whelming at times how grateful I felt for all the prayers you all had offered. I cannot begin to thank everyone enough. And my parents and Michelle, Andy's sister, I cannot even begin to start thanking you for all you did. And Andy's parents. I am so grateful for the family we have. I can not begin to imagine how much harder those days would have been without all of you. All I can say now is THANK YOU so much

grandma b. visits
great grandma W. visits

*Obviously I have not done this all in order. In the next few days I will post the delivery and pre NICU posts.

*Also, I wanted to be sure and get all my thoughts and things written down, but reading this it sounds so confuing, but at least it has all been recorded.