Friday, October 3, 2008

My sweet little one...this is from while I was in the hospital and finished up at home...a little out of order

The morning of...

Daddy waiting for the section to get started.

During the section.

My camera was on the wrong setting so most of the pictures are blurry.

The one time I got to see my baby, and this was all I got.

This right here although very blurry shows exactly how they feel about their grandchildren, nothing makes them happier!

Trying all they could to keep him with me...

Aunt Nan and Victoria visiting

What a couple of days. He is here and he is SO VERY CUTE! I am in love all over again. It has been quite a roller coaster I have to say.

Wednesday morning I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and I was ready and awake. My plan was to get up at 4:30, but I woke up at 2:30 and was ready to go. There was nothing I could do to fall asleep. So I got up, but had no where to go. I couldn't go downstairs because Michelle and her two sleeping girls were down there and Andy and the kids were sleeping upstairs so I went into the bathroom and did what everyone in my position would do, straighten their hair. :) Then I polished my nails. You know typical things one would do when they wake up at 2:3o in the morning. Then I just did some things around the house very very quietly and in the dark. So finally when the time came to wake up Andy I did and we were ready to go. On the way out of the door I threw up everywhere outside. This little guy had me throwing up till the very last day. But, we were off.

We arrived at the hospital and I just can't tell you how excited I was to see him. I was a little stressed out about the surgery and my little guys breathing, but I was excited as I had ever been to meet my little one. They got me all prepped and the whole time I was so emotional. I didn't want this pregnancy to be over. I know that is weird, but I just was so sad to not be pregnant anymore and have him with me all the time and just the thought of his birth was that much closer to him growing up. I know, I am crazy, I am VERY aware of this.

They had me all ready to go and my doctor came in and said he was ready to go. Andy got all "scrubbed" too. They wheeled me in and again just so emotional. Evey thing was just going way too fast. How could I already being having this little one. I wanted time to sit still. I got into the very cold and sterile room. While in there they had me sit on the table and hug my knees which obviously is so easy when you have a huge baby in the way. The spinal went well. Not my favorite thing, but sure beats feeling the 7 inch incision being made. It is not the pain as much as the odd sensation when finding the spot with the needle to release the meds. So when that was done, Andy was invited in. Again it was all going way to fast for my liking. I wanted to savor that moment, I wanted to relive all my other children's births, I wanted to see my little guy so bad.

Again they had him out within 5 minutes. I love that. I didn't even really know they had started and before I knew it he was out. He was breech which isn't too bad when he is a C section, but coming out heiny first is not the ideal. He came out and finally let out a little cry. Of course as always I hear "look at all the hair" and "look how big he is". I have heard that every single time now. They were going on and on about how big he was so I was figuring a 10 pounder. When the took him over to the isolate they noticed he was grunting a little bit so they mentioned taking him to the nursery after seeing grandma and grandpa. The next 45 minutes was torture. Good news was my doctor said he had never seen a more beautiful uterus. Pretty good for my fourth c section. He was so nice and kept reassuring me that everything was fine. What I do not like about this part is when they baby is taken away daddy goes with him and mom lays there being beat up. Luckily before the baby and daddy were taken away, Andy brought little Paxton to my face and I kissed him and whispered to him how much I loved him. The time was too short, but I knew my time would come.

I do not remember it being quite so uncomfortable. I had such pressure on my chest and it burned so bad and I finally mentioned it to my right hand lady the anesthesiologist and she reassured me it is normal. It sure was not fun to be normal. The pressure and pulling and all that was just horrible. Apparently I kept groaning because my poor doctor kept saying are you sure you are ok? Finally when he got all the organs back in he said you must feel better. That is just weird. I did feel a lot better and I was so excited when they announced they were done. It just all goes so darn fast. Again of course I just shook the whole entire time and I feel so crazy because it is all so out of my control. And I do not like the nasal cannula they use for oxygen, but I understand the need. It is just so hard to be in there for most of the time without my husband. I kept hoping he would be back in and nothing. So after it was all said and done, they wheeled me back in to the delivery room. I stayed there and recovered for about 2 hours. The whole time they had the baby. I hadn't really even seen him yet other than in the operating room. I think he looks like Maddox. He has massive amounts of dark hair like the other boys. And just so cute.

About two hours after they took me down the hall to the recovery rooms. My aunt and cousin were there along with my parents. It was so nice to have family here this time. I was so excited about that part. Andy wasn't with me too much. He spent most of the time down with the baby. We were still not sure if he was getting better with his breathing. I tell you the curse of the c sections have not been good to me in the sense that they just get too much fluid in their little lungs and it doesn't help that they have so much body mass to breath for. Eventually the inevitable happened. I knew and was afraid of the fact that there was not a NICU in my hospital and that there was a good chance that he would have to be flown over to a really good hospital across the river. And sure enough about 3 pm the nurse came in and said he needed to go over there. Now anyone who knows me knows my great love for my hospital stay. I love love love it. My cousin asked why and I can't really describe it, but I just love being in there with your newborn just you and the baby and bonding with him and feeding him and doing nothing other than being together. I just love that and would have 45 children if I could for that reason only. The other thing I love is I am not in charge of anything. I have no responsibilities. I rest, relax, sleep and eat and hold my little one. Really it does not get better than that. And now at this point they were telling me I did not get that. In fact I had not even held him yet. I have to say I did not take it very well. To say the rest of that day was a little too melodramatic would be a huge understatement. When the nurse came in and started telling me at first I was like ok, this is for the best and it needs to be done and then right when I thought I cannot believe I am not crying about this, BAM I started bawling. I am talking the ugly as all get out cry and you can't catch your breath cry. Embarrassing to say the least. On top of it my whole family is watching and I am literally falling apart. Every one in the room was hysterical at this point. It was crazy. They sent an ambulance over and we waited till about 5 when they arrived. Then when they got there it got a little worse. And at this point my brother and his wife were there too. Which having everyone there really did provide a lot of comfort to me. The nurse came in that was taking him over and she handed me a little blanket to place on him and told me I needed to hold this for a while to get Paxton's mommy's scent on it so he would know I was still with him. Now come on, that is sweet I know, but my gosh that did not help the little melo drama we had going on in there. Then they wheeled him in in his little covered bassinet and opened the side for me to touch his little leg and arm. I tried to peek in there to get a good look at my sweet baby, but they had already put him on the ventilator so I couldn't really tell what he really looked like. All I know is at this point I was kind of on automatic, just going through the motions. I don't really remember much from that point till the next day. It is all a blur. I knew they took him and my parents rode over there to be with him when he got there and stay with him which was such a relief. I also know that the hospital was SUPER busy so everyone had to have a shared room, but I think they felt sorry for me and moved me to a private room. It was very nice of them.

The kids come to visit, it was not how I pictured it, but it was still so fun to see them.

That night I thought well maybe I can get some rest since I don't even have my baby here, but no such luck. They were in every two hours checking on me. The usual vitals and the incision and asking how I was doing and refilling water. Not much rest was going on there. Every time I would wake I was wishing the nurse would come in and ask when the baby had last ate and how much and if he had peed or pooped. I missed that. We periodically got calls all night from the other hospital updated us on Paxton and asking for permission to do all sorts of things. It was a long night.

The next three days were again a blur. The nurses were all very nice. The one thing I really do remember is I was in NO pain at all. From the time I had the section till right now I had not had one single pain. That was such a relief. I was so grateful for that. I watched a lot of tv, ate a lot of hospital food, drank a lot of water, had my blood pressure taken a lot. I also had a major bruise from my IV and no more catheter. I also received a lot of flowers, balloons, cards and bears. All the nice things were just so sweet and thoughtful and a big thank you to all of you who sent such nice things. All I could do was count down the time till I got out of there and was able to go onto another hospital, which is sad, because that is normally such a fun thing for me when I have may babies.

This picture is so sad, because it was right after they itubated him, and although he was finally put at ease and wasn't struggling so much, it was the sure sign he was leaving me.

Saturday morning came and my doctor came in to check me and released me. It was such a great feeling. He gave me strict orders to not go over there all day and think I can handle it all right after a C section. Well I am sorry, but there is no way any mother would agree to that. I smiled as to say, ok, fully knowing you would not get me away from there until my baby was home. I got ready and ate breakfast then we were out of there. I have to say it was a lot different than my last experiences after having a baby, but I will cherish that time just as much. I try not to think of it being that I did not have my baby there with me and more like I had a safe delivery for him and he was in good hands and I knew he was able to go over to an even better hospital places in better hands. I try not to look at it being a bad experience, but more of a great thing. I am not going to lie, it was hard really really hard, but he is home and I am one lucky mommy.

The nice things people sent.


gloria said...

I want more babies!!

Eliason 5 said...

We are so glad that he is home. That must have been a horrible experience for you all. You are blessed with such a gorgeous little boy! You guys are in our prayers.

Sariah English said...

Talk about make me cry! Oh I am so happy he is home! I wish beyond anything that I could stil have kids! Oh, and congrates on having such a beautiful uterus!! LOL